


The Decency to Die

by UninspiredPoet



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: 8.2.5 can die in fire, An whole-ass writing tantrum, Angst, Canon Compliant, Comfort, Coping, Established Relationship, F/F, Flashbacks, Grief, Lesbian Relationship, Loss, Panic Attacks, Suggestive Themes, Supportive Valeera, Survivor Guilt, True Love, allusions to sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2019-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-27 22:22:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20767883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UninspiredPoet/pseuds/UninspiredPoet
Summary: In the aftermath of the day's events, Liadrin reflects upon how easily Sylvanas's fate could have been her own as she mourns the loss of another ghost of her past.For once, it's simply too much to bear and it falls to Valeera to pick up the pieces.For once, Liadrin is scared.((Disclaimer: My not-for-profit transformative work is only published by me on Archive of Our Own. I do not give my consent or authorization for it to be reproduced or displayed on any third-party websites or apps.))





	The Decency to Die

_“And you just. Keep. **Failing.**”_

The words rang inside Liadrin's head along with the clashing of blades even now, as she struggled to dislodge her pauldron from her shoulder. 

It was heavy. It was too heavy. It was _suffocating.___

_ _There were no candles in this room she had retreated to. No fire burning in the fireplace. Which was fine. Her skin was hot and sticky beneath her armor with the sweat brought upon her by the heat of the Orgrimmar sun. That made it all the more difficult to peel off. _ _

_ _Piece by piece, it fell to the floor as she stumbled further into the room. It became more difficult to work the seemingly endless buckles and straps the more her fingertips shook, and with a frustrated growl she tugged her gauntlets off and threw them both to the floor before she all but collapsed into the nearest chair. _ _

_ _The glow of her eyes was dull as she sat there. Numb. Numb and on fire all at once. She’d learned how to control certain things centuries ago. Her breathing. Her heart rate. Even her need for sleep. _ _

_ _She must have forgotten between handing over her watch to one of her officers and making it here. Here, where it smelled of dust and of sweat and…_ _

_ _Her head fell back against the chair. Her lungs burned. Her chest ached. She judged at the plate heel of her boot fruitlessly._ _

_ _“Let me help you.” _ _

_ _The voice was soft. Gentle. Familiar in the way that the feeling of ointment on a scraped knee was familiar. Valeera. _ _

_ _There was a slight change in how much light was filtering into the room as the rogue slipped inside and moved to her quickly without making a sound. As she approached the terrifying fragility of the scene before her as bravely as she could. _ _

_ _Now that she was closer, she could hear the uneven breaths Liadrin was taking. She could also hear how desperately she was trying to control them. _ _

_ _Her hands moved immediately from the buckles she’d been working at and moved to Liadrin’s sides - stroking along them and kneeling up between her legs to look at her. She was shocked at how damp Liadrin’s undershirt was. At just how hot the skin beneath it was. “Breathe.” _ _

_ _“I’m trying.” Liadrin’s voice cracked in a way that Valeera had never heard before and she reached up to pull Liadrin close, though she was met with resistance. She stopped immediately. _ _

_ _“Okay. Okay. I’ll get you out of these.” Valeera didn’t know how she managed it under these conditions, but she did. She had the rest of Liadrin’s armor laying to the side when the older woman finally spoke again. _ _

_ _“What will I be remembered for, Valeera?” _ _

_ _She froze for a moment before looking up at the little slits of gold peering at her through the darkness between them. _ _

_ _“When I’m gone, what will they remember, hm?” _ _

_ _Her voice was trembling. Valeera couldn’t find it in herself to move, much less speak. _ _

_ _“Will they remember that I failed my people? That I survived a war that tore us asunder, only to do it again? ...And again?” _ _

_ _Valeera shook her head, then, and tried once more to reach for her, only to find Liadrin stiffening in the chair. She barely got out of the way in time for Liadrin to stand. _ _

_ _“It could have been any of us. It could have been...it could have been Lor’themar. It could have been me.” Liadrin took a few stiff, stilted steps away before she stopped and Valeera stood quickly, her eyes only just catching the way Liadrin’s head hung slightly. “It could still be me.” _ _

_ _“It’s not going to be,” Valeera said - surprised at the conviction that bordered on anger in her own voice. _ _

_ _“It shouldn’t have been her, either.” Liadrin ground out through tightly clenched teeth. “I _knew_ her. I knew her fucking _mother_. She did for our people what I couldn’t. And…” _ _

_“And you just. Keep. **Failing**.”_

_ _Liadrin almost physically lifted her hands to her ears as her head spun. _ _

_ _“It won’t _ever_ be you, Liadrin.” _ _

_ _Liadrin spun, then, to face Valeera. Her eyes were bright and angry and Valeera tilted her head in what might have registered as confusion if Liadrin had been thinking clearly. _ _

_ _“Do you think she thought it would be her?!” The power of Liadrin’s voice was...unmistakable. And just as it could ring across a battlefield, it reverberated in the confines of the small room. “Do you? When I was patching up a Ranger candidate knowing she wasn’t listening to any of the instructions I was giving her, do you think she knew then? Do you think she knew when she was dying while we were _running_? Did she know then?” _ _

_ _Liadrin faltered. Something about the pain in Valeera’s expression and the way her ears sank low against her hood - drove the ache in her own chest even deeper. “I didn’t even have the decency to die.” Liadrin was whispering, now. “And when you don’t have the decency to die...well, the world has its ways, now, doesn’t it?” _ _

_ _Valeera’s lips parted, and her voice betrayed her. Her thoughts did the same. She could only shake her head weakly. _ _

_ _“What’s it like, Valeera? To not be known? To have chosen a life in the shadows? To not be blinded by the sun? Burned by its light? _Abandoned_ by it? To not have to watch everyone you’ve known fall? What is it like to be on the right side?” _ _

_ _“I’m not on anyone’s side,” Valeera whispered - whispered to keep the hurt out of her voice. “And you aren’t going to fall. You are too good. Too strong.” _ _

_ _“Strong?” Liadrin’s gaze fell. “To be strong and be a woman on Azeroth is the most dangerous thing of all. You should go. Before you get caught in the same room as someone who is mourning for the wrong reasons and get led away in shackles.”_ _

_ _“You’re scared.” Valeera breathed - the realization washing over her so viciously that it threatened to pull her under with it. _ _

_ _Liadrin’s jaw clenched and she looked away and Valeera saw the first tear betray her before the first sob did. “I’m terrified.” _ _

_ _Before Valeera knew it, she was supporting more of Liadrin’s weight than she ever had as she guided her towards the bed with her arms around her quaking shoulders. She was lighter than she looked. _ _

_ _Funny, the things you think of when your mind goes into survival mode. Funny, the things you think of when Liadrin is sobbing bitterly into your chest and trembling so terribly she feels like she’s going to break apart. _ _

_ _But you just hold her. Because you love her. Because, no, you don’t understand. Not entirely. But you love her. You protect her because she’s spent her life protecting everyone around her...and there’s no one else to do it. And because you love her. _ _

_ _And gods did Valeera love her. Because if this had been anyone else, she’d have been gone before any of this started. She’d have been gone with the first raised voice. Before the first sign that she would have to open herself to someone. _ _

_ _But how could she leave this? How could she leave, when her own heart was torn further asunder each time Liadrin adjusted her grip on her cloak to hold her with that much more desperation. _ _

_ _So she stayed. She pulled Liadrin’s hair from its confines and gently stroked through the grime in it as she wondered how long it had been since the last time Liadrin was out of her armor. She rubbed circles over her back and found herself thankful that her clothes seemed to be drying. Anything for her to be more comfortable. Anything. _ _

_ _She heard footsteps approach. Heavy ones. Graceless ones. Human. Her ears twitched in the direction of the knock at the cracked door. _ _

_ _“Lady Liadrin, I…” _ _

_ _Liadrin moved to turn at the sound of Anduin’s voice. Her back was to the door. It was only instinct...but Valeera held her still against her chest and stared into the young king’s eyes as he stood there. _ _

_ _“I didn’t mean to intrude.” His voice was quieter, now. Solemn. “I only came to thank you for keeping things under control earlier.” _ _

_ _Valeera’s eyes burned fiercely in his direction. _ _

_ _“You needn’t return to Stormwind tonight.” A peace offering, perhaps. An apology, in its own way. _ _

_ _“I had no intention of doing so,” Valeera stated quietly. One of her hands was still in Liadrin’s hair and the other, on her back. If Anduin was surprised, he didn’t let it show. _ _

_ _He only nodded once and left - but not before shutting the door behind himself. _ _

_ _“Valeera…” _ _

_ _“Shh, lay down with me. Lay with me.” _ _

_ _Liadrin managed to keep herself sitting upright as Valeera removed the less than comfortable parts of her outfit quickly and moved to lay lengthwise along the still covered bed. Liadrin followed quickly, laying her head on Valeera’s chest and adjusting herself until she could almost feel her heartbeat against her ear. _ _

_ _Because this was the only thing that made sense right now. This was the only thing she _knew_. Valeera’s heart was beating. Pumping life through her veins. She had something to love. Something to keep going for. _ _

_ _“I’m sorry,” Valeera whispered as she lifted one of her legs when Liadrin moved her own to tangle them together. To make it easier for her. Rarely had she wished she was older. Rarely did she wish things had been different. But at times like these, it felt like oceans separated the scale of their suffering. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for any of it.” _ _

_ _“You’re here now,” Liadrin whispered, finding even more comfort in both the sound of Valeera’s voice and the feel of it against her face through her chest. And Liadrin knew that she wouldn’t be here tomorrow. Deep down, she knew that. She just couldn’t think about that right now. _ _

_ _“Tell me what she was like.” Valeera’s voice was quiet as she looked up at the ceiling and Liadrin curled closer to her. _ _

_ _“It was so long ago,” Liadrin responded to give herself time. Nothing could have prepared her for this. “It feels like a lifetime ago.” _ _

_ _“I know so little about our people. It makes me feel like I know just as little about you.” _ _

_ _Liadrin tried to put herself in a place where she could allow herself to remember a time ‘before’. Valeera allowed her that time. Valeera encouraged her to find it with gentle hands on her back and steady, even breathing. _ _

_ __ _

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_“Oh, It’s you again.” _

_Sylvanas gave Liadrin a lop-sided grin as she sat there waiting to be seen to. “Why yes, it is me, High Priestess. It’s so wonderful to see you again. I’m fine, by the way, thanks for asking.” _

_“You do know that I can’t stand you?” _

_“That’s unfortunate.”_

_Liadrin always had a hard time keeping this act up with Sylvanas. She was so fond of her. She was so like her mother. She knew when to hold still, at least. Aside from the fact that Liadrin’s words of warning usually went in one ear and out the other, Sylvanas was actually the perfect patient. _

_“Well? What’s happened to you this time?” _

_Sylvanas sighed quietly at that and reached down to pull the leg of her breeches up to reveal a gash that might have shocked anyone who didn’t do what Liadrin did. _

_“That’s...pretty,” Liadrin remarked with a lift of one of her brows before she gathered her things and went to work cleaning it. She could tell that it hurt by the tensing of the Ranger Captain’s calf muscle, but there were no complaints. “How is your mother?” _

_“Fine,” Sylvanas answered rather shortly, and Liadrin looked up at her in sympathy. _

_“Almost done.” _

_“What...ah...what am I going to owe you for butchering me, this time?” _

_Liadrin snorted derisively as she passed her thumb over the wound and watched fresh, shining skin close over it in its wake. “It’s on the house, as usual. Do be more careful next time.” _

_“Careful is my middle name, actually.” _

_“You…” Liadrin sighed and her eyes fells hut for a moment as she rolled the other woman’s pant leg back down and stood. “You don’t have a middle name.” _

_“How do you know?” Sylvanas asked as she tugged her boot back on and slid down off the table she’d been perched on. _

_“We don’t have middle names. I...you know what? I’m not arguing with you, today. Get out. Go back to your bows and arrows.”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nothing like...nothing like now. But then, neither am I.”

Valeera’s hand stopped for a moment in her hair and it caused Liadrin to lift her head. The kiss Valeera guided her into was slow. Soft. Accepting. When she was released from it, some of the tension had eased out of her neck. Enough that when she sank back into Valeera’s chest, her body almost didn’t ache, anymore. Almost. 

“When we were younger, she thought herself hilarious. I guess she was, really. As time went on, I saw less of her. We would glimpse each other at functions. Spend a few moments catching up here and there…but after her family…” Liadrin trailed off, and Valeera felt her jaw tense against her. 

“You don’t have to.” She whispered soothingly as she cradled the length of one of her ears in her fingertips. “You don’t have to, Liadrin.” 

“We’re all different, now.” Liadrin breathed, her brow furrowed as she slowly turned her face to hide it. “Maybe we weren’t meant to stick around so long. Maybe the humans have it all figured out.” 

Valeera didn’t know how to counter that. She couldn’t remember the last time she found herself at such a loss, actually. Often, she found the thought of this very thing rather daunting. She’d seen so much in her short time here. It was difficult to imagine another handful of lifetimes worth of...well. ‘Hell’ wasn’t really too strong a word for it. “I would have less time with you.” She finally said - her voice so quiet that Liadrin almost found herself regretting what she’d said. 

“We can’t have that.” 

Valeera glanced down, then. At reddened eyes and streaks from tears staining the most beautiful face she’d ever seen. “Do you mean that? The last thing I need you worrying about right now is how I feel.” 

“You’re the only thing, Valeera,” Liadrin admitted through the sheer terror that gripped her when she realized how devastatingly true that was. “The only good left.” 

Valeera was stunned. So stunned that she hadn’t heard a second approach of footsteps. She heard the door crack open, though. She saw a flash of blonde hair and blue eyes and Anduin, well…

Anduin saw Liadrin huddled in the safe harbor of Valeera’s arms. He saw how small she was without her armor. He saw what war had done to her by way of the scars across her arms and shoulders as the light from the hallway fell over them and illuminated the terrible reality that was all of their lives. And he wondered, for just a moment, what hope he had. 

Then, he placed the tray of food he was holding down on the table next to the door and left without saying a word. 

“I don’t think they do,” Valeera said after a while - once Liadrin had relaxed into her once again. 

“Do what?”

“Have it all figured out,” Valeera said. “I don’t think any of us do. I don’t think any of us ever stop being too young. I don’t think any of us ever stop feeling too old or too tired. All I know is that sometimes - when I’m really lucky, I get to hold you. I get to be glad that you didn’t have the decency to die. I get to be selfish. I get to love you.” 

Liadrin didn’t trust herself to speak then. And when she lifted her head, Valeera was already halfway to her and in the roughness of their kiss came her answer. In the way they fit together and the tears Valeera wiped from Liadrin’s cheeks even as her own eyes burned. Her answer came in the desperate, sometimes painful way that Liadrin loved her. Like she was a beacon. Like if they parted for even a moment, they would both be lost forever. 

So Valeera didn’t let her go. Valeera would never let her go.


End file.
